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Monday
Apr232012

Anxiety War Wounds

 

 Anxiety War Wounds

I'm sitting in the bookstore on the most uncomfortable chair because I didn't have enough time to get to my office today then back to my house so the air conditioner people could come and tell me that it will cost nearly $10,000 to put a new system in.

Therefore as I sit here-I feel this flush over my face...then all over my neck knowing good and well what is happening.

I'm freaking out with anxiety.

I know that whatever is wrong with my wacky body is what is contributing to the insane weight gain and out of control mental state that my head gets zapped with.

Just as I sit here after freaking out all night knowing how much is on my 'to do list' I can't help but fill my eyes up with tears.  I hate this feeling.

It's like a never releasing grip around my neck just waiting to take the breath out of me.

I look up and I see these adorable kids with their moms playing and reading books.

Yes.  Don't judge.  I'm sitting in the kids section.  

Then this sense of guilt wallops me upside the head because I'm trying to have it all.  And yet my child is in school right now because I wanted more for me.  Hell, I thought I was awesome last night after spending hours making cake pops only to wake up this morning to see that Teacher Appreciation Week is NEXT week and not this week!  I thought I was so on top of it.  

Plus I can't get knocked up with the 2nd one and it kills me every month when my 'visitor' invades my privacy and my soul leaving me with this worthless feeling of being all washed up.

HOLY SH*T this stinks.  This feeling.  

Tends to ALWAYS make its way into my head on Mondays.  

Then by Friday I feel accomplished and on track of life.

Please tell me I'm not the only one here.  

Maybe I'm just the only crazy one.

I just started to pack up and looked over to the side and say this table filled with 'mom books'.

Made me smile.  I want to buy them ALL.

--Stuff Every Mom Should Know by Heather Gibbs Flett & Whitney Moss

--Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for moms - Simple Ways to Stress Less and Enjoy Your Family More

--The New Yorker Book of Mom Cartoons

--100 Reasons Why a Son Needs a Mom

--To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born-Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers

_____

Funny.  It's now 1:30p and I'm FINALLY getting started on my day.  

Is it Friday yet?

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Reader Comments (4)

You are not alone, my friend. And you are SO not crazy! I get those nasty red splotches sometimes, too. They make everything ten times worse, don't they? The bastards.

April 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJaime

Thinking of you. totally understanding these feelings. Familiar with anxiety and worthlessness and doubt and guilt and having to fight back tears and a flush over my skin that reveal the imbalance in my head. I wish I could hug you. Sending endurance and peace to your heart.

April 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfrelle

Thanks Jamie! It's amazing what life does to your skin! Lol

April 24, 2012 | Registered CommenterJoey Fortman

Thank you! I feel the virtual hug...it's warm and welcoming! ;)

April 24, 2012 | Registered CommenterJoey Fortman

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